Well, naturally, we have some ideas.

Episode 1: "Just 30 Minutes Away from Alaska"
This is what hokey-jokey Alaskans say about Anchorage, because it is so urban that it's really not part of the real Alaska. So this episode wil feature Future President Palin walking around and pointing out all the trendy elitist shopping districts. She'll go into a restaurant to try the food, Rachael Ray-style, and will want to look sorta classy for the cameras, so she'll order a glass of white wine ("A wine, please") but then the waiter will ask "Would you like to see the wine list?" and Sarah will guffaw and make a "Is this guy crazy or what?" look to the camera and she'll say "Forget it, I'll just have an Alaskan Amber." Later, she'll see a homeless Inuit woman servicing two drifters in an alleyway and she'll look into the camera and say "Looks like we got ourselves a community organizer over here, huh?" That's Sarah!

Episode 2: "The Coldest Winter I Ever Spent..."
This will be the inevitable Wasilla episode, in which Sarah returns to her tribal lands and gets a hero's welcome. Mostly she'll parade down the main street with a rifle, shooting at various moose and wolves and Asian people that have been set up beforehand by loyal townsfolk. She'll then take us on yet another tour of her house, with Todd standing awkwardly in the corner and, if you look close enough, Levi peering in a window, naked. After she cooks "us" up a big mess of moose chili, she'll take us to one of the hottest stores in town, the rape kit store, where abused women can go and tremblingly fork over money for their very own kits. There will then be the Parade of Palins, with the whole clan processing around town waving. The whole thing ends at a big book burning outside city hall and everyone laughs and cheers until it gets dark and everyone goes to bed, at 2pm.

Episode 3: "Drill, Baby, Drill"
To promote Alaska's leadership in the field of energy, Sarah will take us up to Prudhoe Bay and ANWR and all that fun stuff and we'll get to watch as she herself mans a drill that plunges deep into the virgin ground and she laughs and laughs and hoots and hollers as hot oil splashes all over her face and the wolves howl and the world burns.

Now your turn! What else will happen on Sarah Palin's Alaska?

[Pic via Getty]

A&E has an idea. Not just any idea; an idea for a reality show about life as a worker in New York's subway system. There would be, you know, trains, surly people, delays, homeless people, the maddeningly slow hands of the clock, crazy people. Everything. It's no "Parking Wars," sure, but it has the potential to equal or even surpass "Sell This House" in its ability to leverage a distasteful task into purported entertainment. And its creator was inspired by a great work of art:

Inspired by his children's Thomas the Tank Engine toys, [producer Ross] Breitenbach approached the transportation authority last year about an animated children's show focused on the subway. But the conversation quickly shifted to something more vérité.

Anyhow it's all on hold cause the MTA is broke and criminally incompetent. Surprise.
[NYT. Pic via]

The 10-episode series "focuses on the actor's entertainment endeavors and helping his teenage daughters break into the recording industry," according to THR. Then he will help them try desperately to cope with fame, have a very public breakdown and stage a comeback by starring in their very own A&E reality series. META. [THR]

•Everyone knows Friday is going to be Conan O'Brien's final night on The Tonight Show. But 'officially' he is still under contract at NBC due to problems working out an exit agreement. Most of the big stuff is settled; now lawyers are quibbling over tax issues and other stuff. One fun thing: a "disparagement clause" which would determine how many mean things O'Brien could say about Leno after leaving NBC. The official announcement should be coming tomorrow. Please let this be over soon. The keys on our keyboard which spell out "Conan O'Brien" and "Jay Leno" are almost worn out. [Variety]

•The Oscar shortlist for Best Foreign Film is out: Front-runners include A Prophet and The White Ribbon. A Prophet is French, and is about a guy in prison; The White Ribbon is a creepy German film. We haven't seen either because we refuse to read subtitles unless they are N'avi. [The Wrap]

•Here are some new pilots ABC: Generation Y is about people today flashing back to their high school days in the early 2000s; Cutthroat is about a single mother who runs a drug cartel in Beverly Hills (So, Weeds?). FOX: Strange Brew is a project from Will & Grace creators about a family-run brewery; NBC: The Whole Truth is a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced legal show. Fun! [Variety]

•Former Gawker Intern James Frey's young-adult sci-fi novel is being adapted for DreamWorks. I Am Number Four is about a group of aliens who hide out on earth by disguising themselves as humans. Michael Bay is producing and may direct. James Frey continues to prove that cheaters always prosper. [THR]

•We have that Roundup rule about always reporting 3-D stuff, remember? So, we are bound to inform you that Warner Bros.' Clash of the Titans might be in three glorious dimensions. [THR]